Why Is Unicorn Hunting Bad?

What Is Unicorn Hunting?

Unicorn hunting is a term used to describe a specific dynamic within non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships. In this context, the “unicorn” is a metaphorical representation of a rare and elusive individual. For example, a single bisexual woman who is open to forming romantic or sexual relationships with an established heterosexual couple. Unicorn hunters are typically the couple actively seeking this third person to join their relationship.

The name “unicorn” suggests the rarity of such individuals who are willing to participate in this type of arrangement, and it often highlights the challenges and complexities that can arise from such pursuits.

Unicorn hunting may take various forms, but it typically involves a couple seeking a third person for both emotional and physical connections. They may be looking for a partner who is equally attracted to both members of the couple and willing to engage romantically with both of them. Additionally, unicorn hunters may impose specific rules and boundaries on the third person, often with the expectation that the unicorn will not form emotional connections or engage in relationships outside of the established couple.

While unicorn hunting can appear to be an enticing way to explore non-monogamous relationships, it comes with a set of challenges and potential problems. These challenges often revolve around issues such as objectification, power imbalances, unrealistic expectations, and difficulties in communication and emotional management. It’s important for individuals engaging in non-monogamous relationships to approach them ethically, prioritize consent and open communication, and be aware of the potential pitfalls associated with unicorn hunting.

Objectification of Individuals

Unicorn hunting often objectifies a third person, referred to as the “unicorn.” They are treated as a mythical creature that exists solely to fulfill the desires of the existing couple. This objectification can lead to emotional harm and a lack of agency for the third person involved.

In unicorn hunting scenarios, the focus is primarily on what the couple desires and how the third person can fit into their existing relationship dynamic. This can result in the dehumanization of the unicorn, reducing them to a mere instrument for the couple’s pleasure. Such objectification is not only ethically problematic but can also lead to emotional and psychological harm for the unicorn.

The unicorn may feel like their needs, desires, and boundaries are secondary or even irrelevant in this dynamic. Their autonomy and agency may be compromised, as they might feel pressured to conform to the expectations and rules set by the couple. This imbalance of power can create an unhealthy and exploitative environment where the unicorn’s well-being and emotional welfare are at risk.

Furthermore, the objectification of the unicorn can limit their ability to express their true selves and explore their own desires and boundaries. They may be expected to conform to a predefined role within the relationship, stifling their individuality and unique needs.

In ethical non-monogamous relationships, all individuals involved should be treated with respect and consideration, recognizing their autonomy, emotions, and boundaries. Unicorn hunting often fails in this regard, as it prioritizes the desires of the couple over the well-being of the third person, perpetuating a harmful pattern of objectification.

Power Imbalance

In many unicorn hunting scenarios, the existing couple holds most of the power and decision-making authority. This power imbalance can result in the unicorn feeling pressured to conform to the couple’s desires, even if it’s not in their best interest.

Unicorn hunting often establishes a hierarchical structure within the relationship dynamic. The existing couple tends to hold more power, influence, and decision-making authority compared to the unicorn. This power imbalance can lead to several problems:

1. Pressure to Conform: The unicorn may feel pressured to conform to the desires and expectations of the couple, even if it goes against their own needs or boundaries. This pressure can create a sense of coercion and result in the unicorn compromising their own well-being to maintain the relationship.
2. Lack of Agency: The unicorn might have limited agency in the relationship, as they may be expected to adhere to rules and boundaries set by the couple. This can limit their ability to express their own needs, desires, or concerns, leading to feelings of helplessness.
3. Vulnerability: The power imbalance can make the unicorn vulnerable to mistreatment or neglect by the existing couple. They may not have the support or resources to address issues or conflicts within the relationship, as the couple often holds the decision-making authority.
4. Inequality: Healthy non-monogamous relationships prioritize equality and consent among all participants. Unicorn hunting, however, often perpetuates inequality, with the couple’s needs taking precedence over the unicorn’s.

Unrealistic Expectations

Unicorn hunters often have unrealistic expectations of their third partner. They may expect the unicorn to be equally attracted to both members of the existing couple, not develop emotional connections outside of the couple, or adhere to predefined rules that limit their autonomy.

Unicorn hunting tends to be accompanied by a set of expectations that can be unrealistic and problematic:

1. Equal Attraction: One common expectation is that the unicorn should be equally attracted to both members of the existing couple. This assumption ignores the complexity of human emotions and attractions, which cannot always be evenly distributed. It places undue pressure on the unicorn to meet this unrealistic standard.
2. Emotional Limitations: Some unicorn hunters may expect their third partner to avoid developing emotional connections outside of the couple. This expectation is challenging to uphold because emotional bonds can naturally form in any relationship. Restricting emotional connections can lead to feelings of isolation and emotional suppression for the unicorn.
3. Predefined Rules: Unicorn hunting often comes with predefined rules that dictate the behavior and interactions of the unicorn. These rules can range from limiting who the unicorn can date outside of the couple to restricting their autonomy in decision-making. Such rules can stifle the unicorn’s agency and hinder their ability to express their own desires and needs.
4. Inflexibility: Unrealistic expectations can make the relationship inflexible and less adaptable to the evolving needs and emotions of all parties involved. When the couple rigidly adheres to their predetermined rules and expectations, it can lead to frustration and discontent.

Lack of Communication

Effective communication is vital in any relationship, but unicorn hunting often suffers from a lack of it. Existing couples may struggle to communicate their desires, boundaries, and expectations clearly, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and unicorn hunting is no exception. However, it’s a common issue in such arrangements, leading to various problems:

1. Ambiguity: Existing couples may not communicate their desires and boundaries clearly, leaving room for ambiguity. This lack of clarity can lead to misunderstandings about what is expected from the unicorn and what they can expect in return.
2. Unspoken Expectations: Sometimes, couples have unspoken expectations that the unicorn is unaware of. These unvoiced desires can create tension when they inevitably surface, catching the unicorn off guard.
3. Misaligned Goals: The lack of open communication can result in misaligned goals and priorities among the individuals involved. Each party may have different ideas about the nature and direction of the relationship, leading to conflicts and disappointment.
4. Unaddressed Concerns: Issues and concerns may go unaddressed due to poor communication. For example, the unicorn may feel uncomfortable with certain aspects of the arrangement but hesitate to voice their concerns out of fear of rejection or upsetting the couple.
5. Conflict Avoidance: Existing couples may sometimes avoid discussing difficult topics to maintain a harmonious atmosphere. While this might temporarily reduce conflict, it can lead to more significant issues down the line.
6. Resentment: The unicorn may feel left out of important conversations or decisions, leading to feelings of exclusion and resentment. This can erode trust and emotional well-being within the relationship.

Jealousy and Insecurity

Jealousy and insecurity can run rampant in unicorn hunting arrangements. Existing partners may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or fear that the third person will disrupt the established relationship. This can lead to tension and emotional turmoil.

Jealousy and insecurity are common human emotions, but they can become particularly challenging in the context of unicorn hunting:

1. Insecurity within the Existing Relationship: One or both members of the existing couple may experience insecurity about their partner’s feelings or attractions toward the unicorn. They might fear that the unicorn is more appealing or that the new dynamic threatens the stability of their relationship.
2. Unequal Emotional Investment: Existing partners may worry that their significant other is becoming emotionally attached to the unicorn, potentially diverting attention and affection away from the original relationship.
3. Comparisons and Competition: Competition between existing partners and the unicorn can lead to jealousy. Feelings of inadequacy may arise as they compare themselves to the third person in terms of physical appearance, personality, or connection.
4. Lack of Emotional Support: The unicorn may feel excluded from the emotional support and intimacy that the existing couple shares. This can create feelings of isolation and neglect.
5. Fear of Rejection: The unicorn may also experience jealousy and insecurity if they perceive favoritism or an emotional imbalance within the existing couple. They might fear being rejected or replaced if they openly express their needs or concerns.

Limited Autonomy

Unicorn hunting often presents challenges related to the autonomy and agency of the third person involved, known as the “unicorn.” Here are some key issues they might encounter:

1. Lack of Decision-Making Power: In many unicorn hunting dynamics, the existing couple retains most decision-making authority, including rules, boundaries, and the direction of the relationship. This can leave the unicorn feeling like a passive participant rather than an equal partner.
2. Unequal Say in Boundaries: The unicorn may have limited influence in defining the rules and boundaries of the relationship. They might be expected to conform to pre-established guidelines set by the existing couple, which can lead to feelings of powerlessness.
3. Emotional Neglect: Unicorns might experience emotional neglect, as the existing couple’s focus often remains primarily on each other. Their emotional needs may go unaddressed, leading to feelings of isolation or exclusion.
4. Pressure to Conform: The unicorn may feel pressured to conform to the desires and expectations of the existing couple, even if those desires don’t align with their own needs or desires. This can result in suppressing one’s authenticity to maintain the relationship.
5. Limited Autonomy Over Outside Relationships: Some unicorn hunting arrangements restrict the unicorn’s ability to form emotional connections or engage in relationships outside of the existing partnership. This limitation can stifle their personal growth and independence.

Emotional Labor

In unicorn hunting dynamics, one prevalent issue revolves around the emotional labor placed on the third person, the unicorn. This imbalance can lead to emotional exhaustion and dissatisfaction. Here’s a closer look at the challenges related to emotional labor:

1. Emotional Support Provider: Unicorns are frequently cast into the role of emotional support providers for the existing couple. They may be expected to offer counsel, comfort, and empathy to both partners, often without receiving similar support in return.
2. Conflict Mediation: When conflicts arise within the existing relationship, the unicorn might be called upon to mediate or act as a buffer. This role can be emotionally taxing, as they navigate the complexities of the couple’s issues.
3. Emotional Neglect: The emotional needs of unicorns can sometimes be overlooked or deprioritized. The existing couple might become preoccupied with their relationship, leaving the unicorn feeling neglected and unfulfilled.
4. Navigating Jealousy: Jealousy and insecurity can be common in unicorn hunting situations. Unicorns may find themselves managing the emotional fallout when jealousy arises between the existing partners.
5. Emotional Isolation: Unicorns may experience a sense of emotional isolation, as the focus of the existing relationship often remains insular. They may lack a support system or emotional outlet within the arrangement.

Unrealistic Permanence

Unicorn hunting can be marked by the unrealistic expectation of permanence in a relationship that’s often meant to be casual or short-term. This assumption can lead to various challenges and disappointments:

1. Inflexible Expectations: Existing couples in unicorn hunting scenarios may expect the third person to remain a consistent part of their lives indefinitely. This expectation can be at odds with the evolving nature of human emotions and relationships.
2. Unrealistic Commitment: The existing couple might assume that the unicorn is as committed to the relationship as they are, even if the initial agreement was for a more casual or temporary arrangement.
3. Emotional Confusion: Unrealistic permanence can create confusion and emotional turmoil for all parties involved. The unicorn might feel pressured to conform to these expectations, even if they don’t align with their desires or intentions.
4. Change Over Time: People’s feelings, circumstances, and life paths are subject to change. What might start as a casual or short-term connection may evolve into something more profound, or conversely, fade away naturally. Unrealistic permanence doesn’t account for these shifts.

Lack of Boundaries

One of the fundamental issues that often plagues unicorn hunting is the lack of well-defined boundaries. This absence of clear guidelines can have several negative consequences:

1. Ambiguity: Without established boundaries, all parties may be uncertain about what is and isn’t acceptable within the relationship. This ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and emotional distress.
2. Misaligned Expectations: The absence of boundaries can result in different people having vastly different expectations about the relationship’s dynamics, level of commitment, and emotional involvement. This misalignment can lead to frustration and disappointment.
3. Jealousy and Insecurity: The uncertainty stemming from undefined boundaries can intensify feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Without knowing where one stands in the relationship or what behavior is permitted, it’s easy to succumb to negative emotions.
4. Crossed Lines: In the absence of clear boundaries, it’s also more likely that someone may inadvertently cross a line, causing hurt or harm to others. This can erode trust and create emotional turmoil.

Social Stigma

Non-monogamous relationships already face social stigma and misunderstanding. Unicorn hunting can reinforce negative stereotypes and perpetuate misconceptions about non-monogamy.

Unicorn hunting, as a subset of non-monogamous relationships, is not immune to the social stigma and misconceptions that surround non-traditional relationship structures. Here’s why social stigma can be a significant issue in unicorn hunting:

1. Misunderstanding: Society often lacks an understanding of non-monogamous relationships, leading to misconceptions and judgments. Unicorn hunting, which involves a third person entering an existing relationship, can be particularly challenging for others to grasp.
2. Judgment: People involved in unicorn hunting may face judgment, criticism, or discrimination from friends, family, or colleagues who adhere to conventional relationship norms. This judgment can lead to isolation and feelings of shame.
3. Stigmatization: Some individuals may stigmatize unicorn hunting as a form of exploitation or objectification, further fueling negative perceptions. This can make it challenging for those involved in such relationships to find acceptance or support.
4. Secrecy: Due to societal stigma, those in unicorn hunting scenarios may feel compelled to keep their relationships a secret. This secrecy can lead to a lack of social support and the inability to seek guidance or advice from others.

Limited Growth

Unicorn hunting, while intended as a specific form of non-monogamous relationship, can sometimes unintentionally hinder personal growth and self-discovery. Here’s why it can be limiting in terms of personal development:

1. Focus on the Existing Couple: Unicorn hunting often places primary emphasis on the needs, desires, and dynamics of the existing couple. The third person, or “unicorn,” may be expected to conform to the couple’s established relationship structure, potentially stifling their own personal growth.
2. Limited Autonomy: The unicorn in such relationships may have limited autonomy or decision-making power. Their choices and actions may be guided by the rules and expectations set by the existing couple, leaving little room for individual exploration or self-discovery.
3. Emotional Energy Drain: Managing the emotional complexities of a unicorn hunting scenario can be demanding. The emotional labor involved in navigating the dynamics of the existing couple and the third person can divert energy away from personal growth and self-care.
4. Reduced Time and Attention: Balancing the needs of multiple partners, especially in complex relationship configurations, can be time-consuming. This can limit the time and attention available for personal pursuits, self-improvement, and pursuing individual interests.
5. Lack of Emotional Space: The emotional demands of unicorn hunting can sometimes leave little emotional space for introspection and self-discovery. Constantly navigating the emotions and needs of others can make it challenging to focus on one’s own personal development.

High Risk of Emotional Harm

One of the significant drawbacks of unicorn hunting in non-monogamous relationships is the high risk of emotional harm that all parties involved may experience. This risk arises from the complex dynamics, expectations, and potential pitfalls associated with unicorn hunting. Here’s a closer look at why emotional harm can be prevalent in such arrangements:

1. Unrealistic Expectations: Unicorn hunting often comes with unrealistic expectations placed on the third person (the “unicorn”). The existing couple may expect the unicorn to seamlessly fit into their established relationship without experiencing emotions, conflicts, or desires of their own. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, and emotional harm when reality doesn’t align with these ideals.
2. Emotional Intensity: Non-monogamous relationships, including unicorn hunting, can involve intense emotions. Jealousy, insecurity, and anxiety are common emotional experiences within these dynamics. When these emotions are not effectively managed or communicated, they can lead to emotional harm for all involved.
3. Power Imbalance: In many unicorn hunting scenarios, the existing couple holds more power and decision-making authority, creating a significant power imbalance. The unicorn may feel pressured to conform to the couple’s desires and expectations, even if it compromises their emotional well-being. This power dynamic can lead to feelings of powerlessness and emotional harm.
4. Objectification: Unicorn hunting often objectifies the third person as a means to fulfill the desires and fantasies of the existing couple. This objectification can leave the unicorn feeling devalued, objectified, and emotionally neglected, leading to emotional harm.
5. Lack of Clear Boundaries: A lack of well-defined boundaries within unicorn hunting relationships can lead to confusion and crossed emotional boundaries. This lack of clarity can result in unintentional emotional harm as feelings are hurt, and personal boundaries are violated.
6. Conflict Resolution Challenges: Handling conflicts and misunderstandings within non-monogamous relationships requires effective communication and conflict resolution skills. Failure to address conflicts constructively can escalate emotional harm.

Conclusion

While unicorn hunting may seem like an appealing arrangement for some, it often leads to objectification, power imbalances, unrealistic expectations, lack of communication, jealousy, limited autonomy, emotional labor, unrealistic permanence, lack of boundaries, social stigma, limited growth, and a high risk of emotional harm. It’s crucial for all parties involved in non-monogamous relationships to prioritize open communication, consent, and ethical practices to avoid these pitfalls and foster healthy, respectful connections.